By Steph Auteri The first time I wrote a piece of adult content -- a review of Carol Queen's Exhibitionism for the Shy -- it didn't even occur to me to use a pen name.
A year later, if you googled my name, "masturbation poetry" was the first hit, followed closely by a series of only slightly less colorful results.
I wasn't embarrassed, though. By that time, I'd come to realize that my willingness to reveal absolutely everything was a gift.
Now I'm a sex writer. I'm an assistant editor at YourTango, a web magazine about love and relationships; a sex columnist for The Frisky; the co-author of 52 Weeks of Amazing Sex; and the sexy lady behind a number of sexy pieces in Playgirl, Time Out New York, New York Press, Lemondrop, and other publications. (My poor mother.) But I'm not only a sex writer, and I've found that -- when it comes to any sort of writing at all -- it can be smart to be a little bit TMI.
Why?
Over the past 10 years, I've learned that editors crave writers with a voice like mine -- open to a fault, and with a sense of humor. The type of content created in this voice can achieve a number of things: It can be polarizing, bringing in a number of comments... both positive and negative. It can allow readers to connect with and relate to a piece, in turn making them feel safe participating in a dialogue around a topic. And as a result of both of these things, it can bring in more traffic, making your editor love you to bits, despite the fact that you are now super-duper depressed because of all those nasty comments. (Quick tip: Ignore them. Or just concentrate on the positive ones. Seriously. The service you are providing to readers who can relate to your piece is worth a billion good karma points.)
How do you go about being open and authentic in your writing?
Don't hold back. Be willing to lay out the details of your most humbling experiences, and lay bare your most embarrassing thoughts and feelings. Humor can help. It can act as a welcome relief from a dark or difficult topic, in turn putting readers at ease. As I told a writer for mediabistro, you should be able to shine a spotlight on your most cringe-worthy moments, laugh at them, and then learn from them. Basically, show that you're human. Show your doubts, your neuroses, and your flubs. Be a reliable narrator and, not only will your editors appreciate you, but your readers will appreciate you, too.
Of course, you need to prepared for the backlash. As I mentioned above, revealing yourself so completely can leave you open and vulnerable to a lot of reader judgment. And if you're not careful, even your own friends and family could turn against you.
But that's the thing about writing. You're always putting yourself out there, and readers can easily get fired up over, or offended by, the most innocuous of things. The best thing to do is to ignore those who are unnecessarily vicious; engage those who are constructively critical; and be grateful for those who are both positive and supportive. Don't let yourself get hurt.
And be mindful of hurting others. While my own life may be an open book, I'd never reveal so much about the other people in my life without first getting their permission. (My husband, obviously, loves the attention.)
Where do you place your own writing boundaries?
When not writing about the relationship-based angst between men and women, Steph Auteri blogs about the freelance, word nerd lifestyle, and coaches other word nerds. She invites you to stalk her on Twitter.Interested in contributing a guest blog post of your own? Check out the guest blogger guidelines.